listen

What will you do when they start fading?
When the colours begin to blur, and the lights go out?
There are new pictures on your walls now. And you hear different voices everyday.

But somewhere far behind your eyes, the music hasn't changed. No-one can hear the tunes you play, but that doesn't matter. You don't need them.

But you will.
When the music stops.

waiting for amnesia

Oneday:

I'll look back, and the hurthaze will have cleared.

I'll see the eyes I loved to drown in

(I won't remember the shutters you put up)

The way your smile sounded

(before you stopped calling)

And the peace that radiated from your soul

(until your missing backbone became obvious)

But not this day.

(not yet)

day one

Make it.

Count.

the point of no return

it's not the dazzling lights that ignite your long darknesses
the night sky velvety-black perforated with endless shimmering starlight
it's not the depths of the river i walked by
the sea! the sea! my heart's well desires no freshwater
it's not the mechanical sounds of your clockwork efficiency
indications of humanity: conversation is warm, laughter too loud

it's the roots being extracted
it's the heartbeats left behind
it's knowing it's over

it's the million miles between then and now

a lifetime away
i'm home

Time.

in the end

maybe i just miss us.

all of us. the way things used to be.

simple times. finger-painted dreams.

crying over spilled milk and broken Barbie dolls.

model train sets. remote controlled cars.

the perimeters of our world cut from

paper-heart valentines and the pages of TeenBeat magazine.

maybe i don't like change very much

maybe i just don't like this change

maybe, in the end, i just want what i can't have:

Time

to catch up

with all this growing up

all of us have had to do.

the road

You may not know this now. You may not want to believe me. But it doesn't matter where you're going. Where you're headed, or in which direction you may drift. It only matters that you are moving. That you are trying. That you still walk on. And that, no matter what, you always will.

the compass

I lost my way today.

All it took was that splitsecondinstant when you held out the sun, gingerly, in the tips of your fingers, and offered it to me. You fumbled and nearly dropped it, but in that moment, the Light was so blinding I had to blink a few times to clear my eyes. When I could see again, I found that I had strayed a long way from the path, and the sun was back in the sky. But you were gone, and the Darkness was cold and empty.

I'm not afraid of the Dark.

I'll go back.

I'll find you.